Hello, I’m Rebecca Baker with AroundHerFinger.com. I’ll be narrating this CD that was purchased for you by the man in your life that loves you very much. Many, many husbands, fiancés and boyfriends have purchased this CD for the woman they love as a means of communicating certain thoughts and feelings that they have difficulty expressing themselves. Please know that before the man in your life purchased this CD, he was able to read every word that I am now saying to you by viewing the script on the web. He knows exactly what it is you are hearing, and while he may not agree one hundred percent with every last thing that I say, the overall message resonates with him. He wants you to hear it. You should listen to it when you are alone, and when you know you can be uninterrupted for the next twenty minutes.

I encourage you to take what I have to say very seriously, as I am sure that he does. It represented a risk on his part in sharing this CD with you. The CD will reveal the details of a very special relationship dynamic that he now wants you to consider exploring with him.

I don’t want to go through the silliness of keeping you in suspense. Simply stated, he wants you to take a more active leadership role in your relationship. He wants you to feel more comfortable in knowing that your decisions are respected as the final say in the household. He feels as though your relationship would work better, and he would feel more fulfilled, if you took the role of head of the household. Said another way, he wants to submit to you.

While I’ll talk more about what exactly this means as this CD moves along, I want to be very careful that I point out what it doesn’t mean. It does not mean that you will be running around the house dressed in a leather corset and cracking a whip. The overwhelming majority of your interactions with your husband are going to be just as exactly as they are today. You will laugh together, play together, and discuss problems together. Nobody other than the two of you need ever know that anything has changed between you. He just wants the two of you to share a mutual understanding – most often a quiet understanding -- that you are in charge.

You should realize just how common this desire is in men. By some estimates, forty-five percent of adult men harbor the desire to submit to a woman. While this fantasy is too often associated with the stereotype of the leather clad dominatrix, the reality is that what most men really crave is the sort of loving female authority that they can only get from someone with whom they already share a deeply intimate, personal relationship.

The men that are drawn to this phenomenon are the types of men that we all know in our day to day lives. They are strong, outgoing, fun-loving and masculine men that often deal with heavy burdens at work. When they come home, they want nothing more than to surrender to an authoritative woman. They recognize that their lives will be better for it. They value the judgment and leadership skills of the women in their lives. They know that women are generally more even tempered, more patient, more focused on making good decisions, not just quick decisions. More and more men are coming to this conclusion. Not all of them have the courage to come forward. You are lucky that he trusts you enough to be open and honest about his feelings with you.

Please understand that this is not a whim for him. It is not some sort of passing fad that will go away. His interest may be more intense at some times than at others, but it is with him always. If he is like most submissive men, this desire has been with him for a very long time. It is a part of who he is that he cannot deny. He can manage these feelings, he can deal with these feelings, but he cannot change them.

Now that you understand that he desires to submit to you, you have two basic choices. One, you can reject the idea. While this is an option, it will not – as I just stated -- make the desire on his part go away, it will just brush it aside. He will deal with this. He will continue to love you just as much as he always has, but he will be disappointed and he will at least feel some sense of rejection. If you do elect this option, at least speak to him about his feelings. Make him understand that you still love him no matter what.

The second choice is to embrace his submissive nature and nurture it to your mutual benefit. The possibilities that this will open up in your relationship are amazing.

First and foremost is the open acknowledgement that he adores you and wants to put you on the pedestal on which you belong. This open acknowledgement of his genuine affection is reward in and of itself.

There is much more, however, than just this open gesture of affection. You will come to enjoy the freedom in decision making afforded you. You will be comfortable knowing that your opinions and decisions will be respected in your household. If you want control of the household finances, you can have that control. If you want to be the only half of the couple allowed to use the remote control, you need only to say so. You will also be able to unburden yourself of as much of the domestic duties of the home as you deem appropriate. Your husband will not only take on all the household chores, he will come to enjoy doing them as they represent an opportunity to serve you.

Of course one area where there is a great deal of upside for the woman is in the bedroom. Women with submissive husbands should understand that their pleasure absolutely comes first. Nightly massages and foot rubs are just the beginning. You can rest assured that a submissive husband wants to please his wife more than anything, and he expects nothing in return. In fact, delaying or denying their husband’s pleasure altogether (for reasonable periods… say one to two weeks at a time) can increase their submissive feelings and actually represent a phenomenal turn-on for them.

All of this does not mean that women that desire a strong and aggressive lover have to abandon these desires in light of these revelations. This is nonsense. Women who like to feel that their man is taking charge in the bedroom need only communicate these desires. Remember that all his energies and efforts will be spent pleasing you. You need only share your own desires with him and he will behave accordingly. As you nurture his submission, your ability to communicate as a couple will blossom. You can work together to understand each other’s turn-on’s. You can indulge his turn-on’s and your own exactly as you deem appropriate.

This is all very difficult for women to accept, but it is absolutely true. In fact, accepting all of this is the hardest thing about it to most women. Once women accept it – embrace it – it all becomes a wonderful new reality for them.

You may ask why his submissive nature has not been obvious to you before. Why is it only now that you are learning about this? In part, it is because he has been suppressing his submission. In confessing it to you he unburdens himself of the expectations for male behavior that have been placed on him by society. By coming clean about his desires, he becomes free to relate to you in the way that feels right to him. More than this, but related, is that it is not enough to just unilaterally submit to you... to do nice things for you. It is important to him that you acknowledge his submission, that you openly accept your dominance in the relationship.

It might be helpful here to read you a letter that was sent to our website by a woman whose husband approached her with his desire to submit. In this case the husband had been trying to satisfy his desire by a process that some call stealth submission. This is where he makes up his mind that he will do everything he can do to please his wife, but never tells her the underlying motive. This behavior is very common in submissive men. However, it seldom satisfies the man. Here’s the letter. You can hear for yourself how it worked out:

---

My husband had been acting very odd for almost two months. He hadn’t argued with me over anything. He had done virtually all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. without my even asking. He began giving me massages and steadily progressed to foot rubs. He even offered to give me a pedicure! I knew something was up, but I was completely clueless. My first suspicion was that he had cheated on me and was acting out his guilt. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just kept saying that he liked doing nice things for me. Needless to say, I didn’t buy it.

I took to the internet and more or less discovered the existence of submissive husbands. It became apparent to me that he was expressing submissive desires. I tested my theory by writing up a “to do” list for him. I left it on his dresser on a Monday morning. By the end of the week he had finished everything on my list. This was not just some short list of quick tasks. This was a pretty lengthy list. He spent every night that week cleaning the basement, cleaning the garage, changing light bulbs, vacuuming out my car, you name it. This was in addition to all the laundry, cooking and other jobs that he had already made part of his routine.

As he checked tasks off the list, I made certain not to thank him. This was based on some advice I had read in an online forum. I told him that he had done a good job (he had, believe me!), but I never thanked him. When Friday night rolled around, I told (not asked, but told) him to go run me a bubble bath. I had him help me out of my clothes and into the tub. Then I had him go open a bottle of wine and bring me a glass. Then, before sending him off, I had him light some candles and turn on some music. I instructed him to go back out to the den and finish the bottle of wine himself. Maybe asking him to drink the wine was cheating a little bit, but I wanted to loosen him up as best I could. In any event, he obeyed every one of my commands to the letter.

I took my time enjoying my bath. I finally got myself out of the tub and dressed myself in some sexy panties and a short robe. I walked out in the den, turned off the television and took a seat on the couch. There was still some wine left in the bottle, so I had him pour me another glass as I needed a little loosening up myself.

At this point he actually asked me if there was anything he could do for me. His behavior along with the wine was inspiring me to new confidence. I told him that yes; there were some things I still had for him to do. To begin with, he could rub my feet. He first started to do this by sitting at the opposite end of the couch and putting my feet in his lap. I told him that I would prefer it if he would do it while kneeling on the floor. He took to this like it had been his life’s dream. He looked so incredibly loving kneeling at my feet. For the first time, I felt empowered. I can’t really explain why, but it made me feel so very close to him.

I told him that I was really pleased with the way that he had been acting lately. He had been so helpful to me. He had done a good job with the list that I had given him. In fact, it was such a good job that I was already working on another list. Then I asked him a series of questions, each of which was met by an enthusiastic “yes” from him. Did he like the way our relationship had been going lately? Did he like doing what I asked him to do? Did he like the way that I seemed to be in charge lately? Finally, I looked him straight in the eyes and asked him outright if he felt submissive towards me. This time he answered me with an emphatic, “Yes, I do.”

This, I think, was where my research really paid off for me. I understood that I had to seize upon this moment. I told him that I understand him completely. I was willing to accept my authority over him, but he must accept his submissiveness to me. Most of the time, our relationship will be just like it was, but when I desire to exert my control over him, I expect him to obey me. There are going to be times when that reality is going to frustrate him. There will be times when he disagrees with my decisions; that’s ok. I want to hear his opinions. I will respect them and consider them in coming to my final decision. In the end, however, I am in charge. I know it, and he accepts it.

If I could give one piece of advice to other women it would be not to let all of these things go unsaid. Submissive men want their wives to formally acknowledge their authority in the relationship.

Signed… Beth in Ohio.

---

This letter is one of many that we have received from women that have accepted their husband’s submission as the wonderful gift that it is. I encourage you to do the same.

At this point I am going to give you an opportunity to pause and consider everything I have talked about before you go on and listen to the second track. The second track proceeds with the assumption that you have already made up your mind that you want to explore this relationship dynamic and provides some suggestions on how you can get started. Even if at this point you have not made up your mind, you still may want to go on to the second track as it will shed more light on the subject matter. It will give you a more complete understanding of what is in store for both of you if decide to move forward with a female led household.

I’m now going to proceed with the assumption that you are willing to give this relationship dynamic a chance. If you are still undecided, you can visit our website, Aroundherfinger.com. In part, it serves as a resource for women approached by their husbands with their desire to submit. v Again, as far as the remainder of my dialogue is concerned, I’m proceeding as if you have already decided to move forward with these ideas. When you next see your husband, tell him that you are going to want to set aside some time to talk to him about what you have heard on this CD. Don’t breach this topic at all until this time arrives. You’ll need to be alone with him and have enough time to have a lengthy discussion with him without fear of interruptions. Hopefully that time can be tonight, as there is likely to be a great deal of tension in the air until you finally do have this conversation.

Let’s take a cue from the letter I just read. If you drink, have him open a bottle of wine and pour you a glass. Ask him to kneel in front of you with some lotion. Have him remove your shoes and rub the lotion into your feet. Get him talking. Ask him how his day was. Ease into the conversation about his submission. Ask him how long he had been thinking about giving you this CD. Ask him how long ago he discovered our website. How long has he had the idea that he wanted to be submissive to you?

This is your opportunity to really understand him. As he rubs your feet, he will feel a sense of surrender to you. This will relax him; this will help him to open up to you. Ask him whatever you would like… about his submission or about anything, he will tell you whatever it is that you want to know. Do not let him get away with short answers; demand that he really open up so you understand what is really in his heart.

Make very clear to him the terms under which you would like to proceed. Are there certain household duties that you would like him to take on for you? Do you need to take the reins on his diet or his exercise? Is his spending under control? Perhaps he needs to be put on an allowance? Whatever behavior you desire of him is yours to dictate.

If you are not comfortable with such precise control over him, that is fine too. You may tell him that you intend to continue along very much as things have been in the past, but there shall always be an understanding that you are in charge. When push comes to shove, your decisions are final, and they will be respected. When you ask something of him, you expect to be obeyed.

Whatever you do, do not succumb to the temptation to be too conciliatory in terms of your expectations. Remember that he craves your authority. Even if you think it sounds like a bit much to say it, tell him that he must obey you. Tell him you are in charge. He wants – he needs – to hear it.

As time goes by, you will become more comfortable with your authority, and he will become more comfortable in relating to you as submissive. However, even as your expectations and his behavior become second nature, you need to continue to reinforce your authority. These verbal cues from you are what motivate him. Without an occasional reminder, he will drift back into his sluggish old ways. Make sure that there are evenings when he is very intimate with you, but he is denied the opportunity to climax. Make sure that on these evenings you remind him that this is for his own good. Remind him that he is more docile, obedient and affectionate when he is teased a little.

At the end of your conversation tell him that you love him. Let him know that you understand that his submission is an expression of his love for you. You accept his submission as a precious gift, and you will nurture it for his benefit as well as your own.

Ok, I realize that I have hit you with a great deal in these recent minutes. You have come to learn that your husband is submissive. You may not have even known that this phenomenon existed amongst men, but now you know that not only does it exist, it exists in your own relationship. Now relax…take a deep breath… everything is going to be ok. You are probably sitting there with a million questions. That’s fine. Most women in your position are somewhat shocked and confused by this revelation. Most women, however, and that includes women across a broad spectrum of society – traditional, liberal, conservative, educated, white collar, blue collar, newlyweds, empty nesters, you name it – end up accepting their husband’s submission and ultimately cannot believe that they ever lived without his open acknowledgement of his feelings. Female led households really do work. By and large, they work better than households where control is shared and negotiated between partners. More so, this is what he really wants. He brought this idea to you because he knows it will work.

I encourage you to be open minded as you begin to explore this new dimension of your relationship… even if you do not feel comfortable with it right away.

I leave you with some final thoughts that came to me in a letter from a woman that nearly rejected these ideas, but ended up accepting her authority over her husband. Hopefully it will encourage you to move forward with confidence.

---

My husband is about the most masculine man that I know. He loves football, prefers hamburgers to fancy restaurants, and (in the past at least) has never been the poster child for being a strong communicator.

About two years ago, I noticed that he had been acting funny. He had been doing work around the house where as before he had never lifted a finger. He was cooking dinner and doing laundry for literally the first time in our marriage. I didn’t know what was behind his behavior, but I was afraid to question it since I could use all the help I can get. You can imagine how surprised I was when he finally told me one night that he wanted to try and make some changes in our relationship. He wanted to me to become the head of our household.

At first I was very hesitant. It seemed weird to me to be quite honest. I told him I would think about it, but I quickly proceeded to act as if nothing had happened. He also started behaving as if he had never brought the topic up at all. I know now that he felt very ashamed and embarrassed by my initial reaction. I now underestimated how much it took for him to come clean with me about his desires.

It was only after a couple of weeks, after he had reverted to doing absolutely no chores around the house, that I brought the topic up again. It was actually in the context of an argument with him that it came up. I was yelling at him for throwing his clothes on the floor. He begrudgingly got up and started picking everything up. I told him that if he was really serious about me being the head of the household, he would be in for more than he bargained. At this point his eyes lit up. Instead of just walking away, I took the opportunity to give him a chance to talk more about it. He said that he just felt more comfortable if I was in charge. He said he had felt that way for a long time. I told him I was willing to give it a try.

It was a struggle at first. Little by little I got more comfortable in telling him what I wanted. Still, he would occasionally lapse back into his old ways. Finally, I sat down with him and told him that I was too used to being in control to go back. I told him that while I felt as close to him as ever, things were different now. I now expected him to obey me. I don’t know what had clicked in me. I guess I was enjoying being in control as much as he enjoyed submitting. Once I openly communicated my expectations, things have never been better. I feel so much closer to him now that we have both accepted our roles in the relationship.

It is completely transparent to our friends. He is respectful to me in front of others, but nobody outside of the two of us would ever guess just how much control I have in the marriage. It really is a great arrangement. Every woman should be so lucky!

Signed… Wendy in Pennsylvania

---

So there you have it. I leave you in the hopes that Wendy’s words will move you to embrace these concepts. Remember, your man bought you this CD. He wanted you to hear this. What you do with this new discovery is entirely up to you.

Best of luck to both of you.